): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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