You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
