Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I forget how to act sober
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
