susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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