its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
