I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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