she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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