Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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