My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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