It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
