I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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