Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
