Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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