Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
