I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
