I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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