any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
