dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize