dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
