Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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