Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
