I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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