so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
