Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
