idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize