she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
