i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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