My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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