he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
