I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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