In the future we'll all be gay
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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