tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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