using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
