She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
