you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
