Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
