Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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