i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
