but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
