How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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