Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
