i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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