WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
