Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
