I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
