I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
