I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
