Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
