y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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