My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
