My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
