i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
