the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
