did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I love having hate sex.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
