We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
