yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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