I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
