He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
