I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
