I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
