dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
