i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
