Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
