i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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