is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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