It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
