So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
