Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
