i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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