By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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