he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
